I Hope I’m Not Too Late

sorry i didnt notice before

i was too preoccupied
i was just so selfish to learn
i wasnt able to read the signs
i never thought you were all alone

i guess i didnt care that much
i always thought you were strong
i always looked up to you
i didnt know my assumptions were all wrong

am i too late to save you now?
is there little hope left not to let you drown
i dont want to lose you in your misery
i dont want you to be like that in my memories

sorry i wasnt aware
i should have known
all those times you came and stayed
yet i just let it all slip and time passed away

you were waiting for me
but i didnt know
you could have said something to me
but i wasnt always alone

all those times you wanted to tell
yet i was too preoccupied to care

now i understand it all
i hope im not too late
i’ll do anything, i’ll give everything for you
so please dont slip away

dont. just dont.
you’re way better than that
im sorry i didnt understand before
but now here i am for your call

i’ll help you whichever way i can
i’ll support you like no one else have done
i’ll be here. always
just dont let go. dont slip away

SEX

SEX (you know you want to..)

March 18, 2012

Why do you have sex when you have lived the first years of your life not knowing it? You didn’t even practice it in order to sustain your life and continue living. Why then do you choose to practice it?

Because it feels good? Sex feels good; yes it does, just like the taste of your favorite ice cream or your favorite team winning the game, these also feels good right? So why do you choose sex over these wholesome things that gives you the same pleasure? You know better than that. You shouldn’t give in to the pleasures of the flesh. Lust is temporary. Aim for joy instead; for happiness that grows and expands which you can share with others.

Sex is meaningless and selfish if you’re doing it for the sake of pleasure or because of your partner. If you really love your partner, you wouldn’t engage in sex in the first place. Sex is overrated just like love is overrated too. But we should remember that love is all enduring, encompassing and meaningful while sex is just a onetime deal that you happily give yourself in for the purpose of a short time satisfaction in life. Sex is meaningless if you don’t know what it’s for.

We should remember the purpose of sex. It is for procreation, for producing life. If this is not your goal then don’t do it.

Contraceptives and pills may fail, so what then? What do you do when you’ve got something in the oven? Dispose of it? Kill it? Can you imagine how it would feel like to die without ever experiencing to live? Would you want that for yourself? For your siblings? For your friends? Imagine if their parents have thrown their lives away and gave in to abortion. Can you imagine how it will impact you right now? So think of the future when you plan to have sex. Think of its consequences.

Let’s remember that sex is solely for married couples who choose to have babies of their own to love and protect. If your answer to this is contraceptives and pills then who are you killing instead? Yourself? Your girlfriend? Imagine indulging on sex for a couple of years and dying a hard death at the hands of cancer; imagine giving birth to a disfigured baby; imagine the complications it would bring not only to the child but to your future as well.

Can you accept the outcome? Think it over. Don’t give in.

And when you find yourself letting the pleasure of sex get a hold of you, pray. Ask for guidance. Ask for courage to fight the urge. Ask for forgiveness for entertaining the thought. Ask for wisdom to help you in your choices. You are not alone in this fight so don’t give in to the urge. Pray. And if you’re not into praying, then divert your attention and energy to something more productive like sports, arts, crafts, anything you can focus on and put your energy into just to get rid of the thought of sex. You’ll not only get something better out of it, you’ll also not regret the consequences.

Foolish Mistake

Don’t fool yourself

We both know you don’t love her anymore

You try to hide it

But I can see clearly behind your lies

 

Was it the past we had?

That you regret not taking care of

Was it a mistake you left?

When you should have been more…

 

Careful, careful

Lies can play a fool

We don’t want that, do we?

 

Truthful, truthful

Don’t waste your time with her

We both know you should be with me

 

Do you regret it now?

The path you have chosen

You had the best

But clearly the scraps are all you want

 

 

Train Ride

I see you boarding down the train. Leisurely you walk without a care in the world. A split second glance was all we had, as I closed my eyes and continued to walk. I take my seat beside an elderly woman, still thinking about you and that small chance. I wonder if we’ll take off at the same stop. Hoping we would so I could get the chance to look at you. The whole ride I was wondering if you were someone I know. Your face looked too familiar. And it was your presence that led me to you. Your eyes covered by your brown aviator glasses, your hair smoothed out by that paperboy hat of yours. The look we gave each other was that of puzzlement and interest. I felt nervous so I walked faster, leaving you behind, leaving only my back for you to see. You startled me. And now I can’t help but regret and wish I looked at you closer, take your full being in my eyes so I won’t forget a single detail of you. That small hope still lingers inside me that I could get a glimpse of you before I leave. We don’t have anything at all between us and yet I look forward to see you once more. In this train ride we shared. 1.12.12

suicide is not an option – 10

Ten

She didn’t regret it. She always wanted to do it. To die. Embrace death with open arms, the only thing left was the courage to do it. Now it came to her.

Drifting through the abyss of nothingness, she recalls why she wanted death, why she chose it over fighting and hoping for something more, for even a small change, she never had the courage after all, to live and enjoy life, to embrace it. Instead she chose failure and death. She quit. A lot of times she gave up. She always did. She never chose to fight, a coward until the very end.

As a child, she was forced to quit. To easily give up. She was somehow raised that way. In times of struggle, she always fought hard, only to end up being the loser of a game she was about to win. She was always the one to give in, even when she was on the right side. She was the one who is supposed to just give up and give in without having a fight to end conflicts, to just accept the situation, whatever it was. A poor little push over.

Her childhood was like that, at least inside her so called home. Outside, she was a bully, the kid who gets what she wants and orders people around, the leader of the gang, the head, the obvious leader to any organization or group. Her classmates would always elect her as the president and without another word, she would be.  Up until her grownup years, a leader, with minions on her side, who she always knew defies her, and she always end up doing the tasks her teammates were responsible for, like organizing events, promotions, and other petty things. She didn’t mind as long as the job gets done, and everything falls into place. She was never a team player, she liked doing things alone even group projects. Somehow she always liked being alone but never the thought of being lonely, she hated it, but it was always the opposite in her case.

People always thought and saw her as a friendly optimistic soul, they never saw the negativities inside of her. She always seemed happy and carefree, not a problem in her soul and even if she did have some, and it never showed in her, they never saw it. Thus her suicide came as a great shock to everyone who knew her. Except maybe some of her ‘closest’ friends and her diary who always saw the worst of her.