for years

i wanted to die

i wanted to die so badly

i wished for it everyday

every waking moment of my life

i sleep

hoping never to wake up

a thousand times i tried

i tried to leave

leave this cruel world behind me

but life’s so difficult

it hurts me

bruises and scars

these i own

marks of hardships

marks of my suffering

let alone to die?

but i never really faced death

though i see it all around me

it never comes

death eludes me

like something sacred it cannot touch

oh how i longed for death

thinking of plots everyday

plots to stop this beating heart of mine

at times i never heard it beat

i thought

“this is it, finally”

then it starts to beat again

suffocating. drowning. poisoning

i tried it all

nothing came out of it

im still alive

but barely breathing

i wanna die

not later

not sooner

but now!


4 thoughts on “death

  1. I seriously hate to hear you talk this way. You have so much to live for. Just think of all the people who love you and how sad they would be if you were gone not to mention all the souls you have not yet touched -you would be denying all these people a chance to know you. I don’t know if you know it or not but you inspire me greatly with your words and if there were no more words from you i will have suffered a great and tremendous loss not to mention the chance of ever meeting you. Life can be tough but there are good and beautiful experiences to be had as well.

    • wow.. i am so inspired by what you said..i appreciate your words and thoughts and dont worry 😉 these are just words written on paper (in this blog) expressing one’s (put appropriate word here) 😀 thanks a lot!

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