suicide is not an option – 8

Eight

Her suicide wasn’t her only contact to death. She has encountered death many times before. Always given the chance to escape it. This time, she embraced death without it coming for her. She killed herself though she didn’t plot on doing it.

When she was four, they went swimming at Bagasbas Beach. She was at sea, knee-length water rushing through her legs; she was looking at the shore, her back facing the sea, she was looking at someone, her friend maybe, she wasn’t sure anymore, then her friend was point at her back, she was motioning her to look at her back, when she turned around, it was too late, a big wave came crashing to her, she felt its violence struck her, then she was gone, she thought she has drowned to death, her body felt heavy, weighing her down, in a split second which felt like eternity, she stood up, she was alive. Funny enough she was at the sea-shore by then. She really thought she was going to die with that big wave which swallowed her whole.

When she was six, she and her older sister would ride a tricycle to and from school. One day, she was thinking about of what if the tricycle has a bomb in it and there is only a few seconds left before it detonates, so she jumped from the tricycle while it was still running. She felt the tire pass her legs, but she wasn’t harmed, she incurred only small cuts and scratches from the incident. She didn’t die, she wasn’t even hospitalized. It was amazing how a little girl jumping off from a running tricycle had survived the incident. How ironic. Looking back, it was really funny and at the same time very stupid. Her older sister was reprimanded because she wasn’t taking care of her.

When she was in her teenage years, there were many car crashes she was involved with; she was traumatized with those experiences she never dared to drive a car. She had a driver, her driver who would always put her life in danger with all those car crashes. One particular car crash was with a big water truck, the truck hit them and didn’t stop, it dragged the car off the road and it almost fell over. Other times, when she was still practicing driving, there were a lot of instances where she almost had a car crush but with all the luck, the car crashes didn’t happened.

In her college years, she stayed in a dorm, enabling her to do all she can, go home whenever and whatever time she felt like it. There was a balcony in her dorm, where she would sometime smoke out of depression and stress, often times she would just go to the balcony to take some shots with her SLR. This particular incident she was leaning in the balcony taking shots of the road and the cars passing by, when she almost slipped from the balcony. Again, out of luck, she didn’t fall.

There where times when she was almost hit by vehicles while crossing the road. Other times, she would intently cross the road while some vehicles pass; she would dare them to hit her which often didn’t happen.

She dared life to kill her, to take her away from her misery, but death didn’t want to take her yet, there were a lot of things in store for her in the future. But she didn’t want that, she wanted to end it instantly, she didn’t even left a note to her loved ones before she left this world (did she even have a loved one?).

 

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